Dual....:-)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
