i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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