I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hippo gnu deer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
