I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
