I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
