Please, let me fuck your mom
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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