dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
