Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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