Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
