P.S. I can't hear my feet
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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