apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
