That's when you crack a 10am beer
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
