i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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