So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
