I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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