He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My bed smells like the plague
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
