paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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