If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
