well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
