It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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