Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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