you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
