Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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