I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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