I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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