i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
