Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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