You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
