yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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