Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
