But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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