the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
