Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
