we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
