her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
