I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
