Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
