Your dad touched me again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
