Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
