You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
