I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
