I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
