How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
