two words...techno handjob
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
