Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize