I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
