Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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