hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
