It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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