pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
