pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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