I'm drive I can fine osifer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your penis caused this!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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