I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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