This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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