I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
