so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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