Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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