my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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