Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
