Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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