I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
