So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
