With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
