I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
