I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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