I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
