just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
