i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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