Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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