1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
