I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
