party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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