Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
