Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
