I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
