She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
