Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
