I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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