Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
