covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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