Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
