you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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