I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize