When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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